Sometimes I truly can’t wrap my head around the bio mom’s actions. It has been over 8 years of this and she still shocks me.
So we have been “civil” for over a year now.
This week, she decided to spend over an hour researching, as my step daughter put it, how to block me from everything on Facebook. The fact that my step daughter knew this and watched her is not okay.
I am truly speechless because bio mom could have been spending that time with her own daughter. As she always says one on one time with the bio parent is important. But only what she determines as important.
Which she actually had the nerve to tell my husband that he needs to spend more of that with his daughter. She said this during exchange. After bio mom noticed myself and step daughters half sisters went with to pick up for our weekend. So she was basically saying we are in the wrong for wanting to see her and go out of our way to go on a 2 hour drive to pick her up for our weekend then drive the 2 hours back home.
When we only get 1 weekend a month because bio mom won’t allow anymore time for visitation. Her sisters miss her. I miss her. We aren’t exactly allowed to facetime between visits either. So how is this one on one time supposed to happen? Well let me tell you it’s just bio mom’s way for controlling us. She tries to do what ever she can to push herself into our household.
Now I’ve gone off topic a bit. During this car ride back home for our weekend my stepdaughter told me about the Facebook thing bio mom did. See the thing is I actually have a close relationship with her. She tells me stuff. And I will add on her own, because I developed a close relationship with her from the beginning. Bio mom will do anything she can to ruin this relationship.
So when I went to look at Facebook because me and bio mom are friends on there, I couldn’t see anything. I’ve always known she post things but makes some private so I can’t see those posts. Which is actually against our parenting plan because she says I do that. When in return we all know it’s her. Anyways Facebook is the only way for me to see pictures of my stepdaughter when she’s not with us. Bio mom doesn’t inform us of any activity or anything she’s involved in. Also she has always been an over sharer on Facebook.
But when I looked we are still friends. But she went through and hid all of her friends list. Except for my mother in law and my husband’s aunt. Okay so that’s weird. Then she went through and hid everything except for her profile pictures for the last 2 years. Do you know how much time and energy that had to have taken. Why didn’t she just delete me as a friend. She deleted my husband as a friend.
A long time ago I blocked her on all social media because of the harassment and negative posting bio mom would do about myself and my husband. We weren’t friends on there but we had mutual friends that would inform me of these posts she would make. Once again, breaking the parenting plan. To her the plan sets rules for myself and my husband ONLY, she doesn’t have to follow them. Bio mom would also look through my Pinterest saved pins. She would screen shot images/quotes I had saved and then repost them as her own on Facebook/Instagram. This person LIVES on Facebook. She posts multiple times a day. So I know for a fact that she isn’t suddenly stopping or getting of Facebook. This has been intentional.
I will never understand this person. I do know she has a motive behind everything she does. And because of this I will never trust her.
So the day that she did this blocking was the same day that I didn’t order anything of my stepdaughters art work that they were selling for school. This is a whole story on its own.
My stepdaughter had a school project assigned the first week of school. Now I cant remember the exact assignment. But she came to use for our weekend and said she had to think of ideas for it. So I helped her, I told her to make some kind of drawing that includes both sides of her family. With our state and her as the main parts. use the shapes of the states, include something she likes from each place. Something that represents her having a home in both states. She was so excited for this. Then the next time we had her for our weekend I asked about it. She said she forgot what I had said and that she just wrote out all of our names on the page instead, nothing fancy.
Fast forward to the ordering time. bio mom texted me Sunday night with a screenshot of the order form and the drawing. We had 2 days to decide if we were ordering. But she said she was going to do the paperwork that night for it. So very little time to decide. That we had to give her the money for what we wanted to order. (This has never been a good situation in the past, giving bio mom funds/reimbursement directly. We always pay directly to the company). I then asked a few questions. Like, is it only this drawing or is it like her last school where you can order her art work from the whole year. That my grandma used to order from the old school. Bio mom told me its just this one piece. okay, so its not really a drawing but I wanted to be some what supportive still since this is the first time we have been informed of anything school related in years. So Monday morning I told bio mom that I had sent the texts to my mom that had the list to order. I also asked if there was anything that my step daughter wanted to order, was there anything that she really wanted. Bio mom said she would ask after school and let me know. This didn’t happen. Tuesday she replied and said no that she just wanted to us to have the chance to order. So I lost track of time Tuesday because I’m home with my kids all day, working, and other obligations. Wednesday morning I realize oh the order was due and she is at school now. Well I remembered the order form had a section talking about the parent portal. So I was like okay cool ill just order online. So I went to do it and its not a parent order portal. It just talks about this being a fundraiser and that’s all.
So I text my stepdaughter, knowing she is in school but I wanted to do it right away. I told her that I messed up and that I thought I could order online and I couldn’t. I then told her that if she could bring me her best/favorite art piece she has ever done and I would order something from my design product company I use for my business.
She then texts me 2 different times Wednesday night after school, about 2 hours apart. the first time she was okay with what I had said. The second time was a way different story. They texting didn’t even sound like a 10 year old, I knew it was her mom. but this time she was mad and upset that I didn’t order and that was her best drawing.
First, I know my step daughter, she loves to draw. So this piece that just has words on it is not her best work. But I know why this was suddenly the best she has ever done and why bio mom finally sent us something from her school work. I will remind you, we have never seen any of her school work, thing gets shared with us. This drawing had everyone’s names drawn out, and nothing fancy. It listed everyone at bio moms house and everyone at ours. Now I’m glad that our side actually got acknowledged but i don’t want a magnet or mug or a pillow with their names on it. And this whole situation is a great example as to why. If we were all friends and acted like a larger family it would be different. But its not. So after bio mom texted me back about how disappointed she was (from my stepdaughters ipad) she went and did all this Facebook stuff. Then Friday when we got my stepdaughter for out weekend is when she openly told us about all this. And that the bio mom was the one who texted me not her. So maybe I self sabotaged the order but at the same time if you look at the texts she played a larger part in it too. Bio mom had the order form for longer then she gave us time to order.
We don’t even get a chance to order school pictures each year. So I know there was a bigger plan for bio mom to tell us about this one. Also she told me, not my husband, not the father who bio mom is supposed to coparent with. She did this as an aggressive attack towards me, so I can look like the bad person. But I keep the evidence, and I read my step daughter the conversation so she could see the truth. I guess bio mom had tried to tell her I was being way to difficult so she just ordered me a magnet without even communicating with me. Without reaching out asking if we decided on what to order.
She was the one who made this into a huge drama situation involving a child. But like always I am made to be the bad person and I will continue to fight and prove otherwise.
The “civil” life was fun while it lasted. But with a narcissist there is nothing civil nor fun that happens with coparenting.
KAMPSS 